Wednesday, November 30, 2005

These are a few of my favorite things

I love showers. And by love them, I mean I absolutely adore and admire showers for all the glory that they are and all the truth and light they stand for. Sure, they're technically inanimate objects that only have a limited power of salvation, but once you run hot water through those pipes, a shower becomes a living, caring thing, and that meaningless inability to grant salvation becomes more powerful than you or I can comprehend. We become clean physically and emotionally as we shower, submitting all our cares, worries, and "questionable" odors to the great steaming showerhead which gives forth that beauteous water. (On next week's episode, Freud will enlighten us on how my love for showers is really a deep seated emotional response to the warm nudity of the shower environment.) Ridding us of filth, we are found clean in our sultry, steamy nakedness, ready to face a new day with vigor and vim. I love showers.

Incidentally, I also love delicious food. There is nothing like popping in your mouth a small morsel of chocolate, crafted with care in Germany or Switzgerland or Helsinki or Seoul (OK, that's a stretch). Similarly, there are few experiences which match the sublime delight of good fruit, or the delectability of Thanksgiving dinner and your mother's homemade apple pie. Food plays a powerful role in our life, and has become a huge industry because people just aren't content with the same old cold porridge day in and day out. No, we live in a world where there is variety galore, as China or Mexico or a host of other places are brought forth "authentically" (and here we use the term losely) in little corner restaraunts just minutes from your house.

One pleasure of mine are Dryer's "Whole Fruit" Fruit Bars. They're actually somewhat healthy, when compared to a number of the other sweet concoctions and confections now available, and are a delicious and fruity way to gain a little more Vitamin C in your diet. Though they do have sugar in them, they're all natural, and really quite delicious.

Now, the astute among you have probably guessed where this is going. As I walked into our shower room this evening (Ah, dorm life), and yelled to one of my buddies through his curtain to see how the water was, his response was unintelligible. It took me a moment to realize what was going on, but after a few seconds he confirmed my worst fears: He was eating in the shower, and what's more, he LIKED it. I try to be open-minded about things, but this was just too much. How could I handle a friend of mine ingesting sweet yummies like an ice cream cone in the shower, when clearly such things are against the laws of nature, physics, and my mother? Then again, thought I, it really didn't contradict nature or physics, and I couldn't really think of a time my mother told me not to eat in the shower (As far as I know, she's not actually present during those ordeals...ever). I decided that the plunge must be taken, and it was with a heavy heart I sprinted excitedly to the vending machines and bought a Dryer's Whole Fruit bar.

There are some things that have to be experienced to be believed, and I have to tell you, this is one of them. As I sat (stood, actually) in the hot shower, naked (yes, I've now mentioned nakedness thrice. I suppose I'm dwelling on it, but I like being naked in the shower - who doesn't?), contemplating my day while eating that strawberry-flavored frozen food, I realized that I was, at that point, becoming a more whole person. The fruit bar was delicious, and the yummy coldness inside of me nicely countered the warmth of the shower, creating a combination that almost (but not quite) caused excessive euphoria.

I can only say this: If you have never showered, naked (4!), with some delicious food in hand and in stomach, you must try it. I urge you (As I would also urge you to stick with mostly liquid-based foods, as opposed to turkey or pizza or other things of that slightly more solid nature). I would go so far as to beg, bribe, or cajole, but I don't know who you are and am thus at a disadvantage. But please, try it. You'll like it.

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